Sniff

Smells. When I was little, I used to watch my mother use her nose like a hound dog following a fox trail. She could detect things from far away. Impressive considering she has many different allergies. Allergies she passed on to me and her grandchildren, I might add. Perhaps she passed on the extrasensory nose benefits to me as well.

• On cool-crisp-smelling-nose-freezing-snow-filled days my mind travels back to times long ago on a snow machine, trekking through the wilderness and grasping the machine with my daddy wrapped securely around me.
• Occasionally, I catch a whiff of a unique smell emitted from packages my grandma would send from her home far away and it brings back memories of grandma's yummy food and grandpa's silly pranks he would play on my sister and I.
• When I smell the freshly formed wax crayons right before school starts, I get this excited, happy feeling just as I did every fall before school started as a young child.
• Freshly fallen leaves scent gives me an automatic runners high and a great desire to just take off and run through the woods. This was an exhilarating experience as a teenager at cross-country running practice.
• Scent of what some of you might consider disgusting - PineSol - brings back memories of scrubbing out wood showers and saunas at a camp I once worked at. I have fond memories of that camp situated on the beautiful green glacier waters.

Today, smells have turned into memories of my own children. Most of the smells are good smells! :-) Like the smell of a freshly washed baby, the smell of baby powder, the smell of lavender I put into their baby clothes, so many smells to pass on to them. I hope they are fond smelly memories!

Gripes, Puking Fish

Emotional. Roller. Coaster.

I think I might have overbooked myself recently. As soon as I received a kink in the chain, it began to unravel like a sweater... It still remains one of those cute little capulets - but it is no longer a sweater. I am missing my other half quite frequently between night school, full time work, lots of overtime to be done, study time and time for himself. I am beginning to feel as though I am alone but not really. This is a very unsettling feeling.

Compassion grows within me for moms with many children and no husband around for whatever reason. I told a good friend of mine this recently and she replied, "yes, except you do not recieve any kind of assistance and you are with your children 24-7 instead of having (or being able to at some moments) work." Ah yes this is true. But y'all help me out of this pity party please.

I want a moment to get my toes all pretty, go eat lunch or dinner with a friend, go for a run in a decent neighborhood (not mine that's for sure), date my husband, leave the house for a quick errand. I know this will all be over soon and life will carry on and I should look at the ups instead of the downs. Optimism is usually where I lean (at least I think I do). Lately it is blanketed by a dark gray mass and I am not sure when it will lift. Happiness and rainbows are tucked away somewhere for a bit...maybe in my armpits?

I am glad I am not sick like I thought I was. I believe I developed an allergy to - of all things - cod (or maybe pollock). Therefore, I puke when I eat it. Lovely reaction but I suppose it could be much worse! I need to make an appointment to see an allergist as I would like to know definitely if I have the allergy to latex as well - oh yeah and milk and bananas and dust and kiwi and and and ....