Family Friday part I 11-28-08

My sister wrote this blog message recently and I will have to admit it really is the true-life-real-deal we had to "put up with." Now we get to sent the same coded insane messages to our own children. Lucky kids! We would joke about the translations as youth and check to see what mom said so we can figure out what the next step is.

Never say yes to anything. I inherited this tendency from my own mean mother. It took an entire childhood of studying this ancient dialect to get it down pat and be fluent at it myself. So allow me to translate for you so that you can inflict this upon your own children. It's the least I can do.

Take this simple question: "Mom, can I go bowling with so-and-so?" Hmmm... seems straight forward, right? WRONG! Pay attention, people.

"No," of course, means no. [Don't push this one or trouble will ensue!] But any other response to the request gets a little more complicated. For instance, there's

"we'll see," which means Yes, but I don't feel like consenting at this exact moment and if you hound me about it I'll eventually say no.

"Maybe" means Yes, but I'm going to think of something to make you do first, such as clean your room.

"Let me talk to Dad first" means I can't make up my mind whether it's a good idea or not, so I'll let your permissive father say yes and then he can get the blame when you act like a spoiled brat later and I won't have to feel guilty for it. And then of course, there's

"I guess," which is as close as a mean mommy ever gets to actually saying ye... ye... ye... the Y-word [which is NEVER uttered from a mothers lips in our family unless we really want to torture ourselves. It really is a difficult thing for us].